The beauty of natural hair...but sometimes i wonder

Okay...first of all...I have been a woman of color with natural hair for about 2 years now. I would like to say that I actually like my hair texture and curl pattern....but sometimes I wonder if most African Americans prefer processed hair. I am told frequently that I have pretty hair, do you have a texturizer, and blah blah blah...But I can't help to wonder if my perceived notion of beauty would be increased if I wasn't natural or if I straightened it out.....

For a visual.... my hair is jet black and very silky, ropey,curly. No kink, no air fro...but I have a very spirly defined curl. Due to this spiral defined curl...it is a longer process to get my hair to the desired length I would prefer.

Back to sometimes I wonder....so....I know my husband was in support of this change...although sometimes i wonder if he quickly regrets this change. My hair is growing and will be absolutely beautiful when it grows a few more inches (like ten...lol..)But I know I look so much differently than what I did when we first married....yea....we are NOT going to talk about the kind of 20 lbs I gained... STOP...I know...why am I being so negative....20 lbs and I still weigh 125...get over it...

I realize that it has been a movement in African American women wearing their hair natural and for many reason's.....political....cultural....or in my case...I was turning 30 and became SSSSSOOOOO bored...you know how we do...get bored and cut our hair, color our hair....and blah blah blah....me on the other hand hand been there done that so I made the massive decision to go natural.

But sometimes I wonder if I will ever get to my desired style and look.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever wake up and my hair not be matted to my head because of the hair products i use.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel 100% comfortable with the thoughts in my mind about my hair.

Sometimes I wonder if my sense of self worth has more to do with these lbs and not my hair....




I digress.....





Back to my hair....sometimes I would like to throw the creamy crack back in to it...just to have the long flowing hair again....But sometimes I love my hair....

So much that I loss my mind and cut the back of it this past weekend. Okay...so picture this. I have a very loose silky hair pattern in the very back....what my mom and family use to call my good hair...or baby hair...well that good hair or baby hair has given my hell this past year. My ropey curly hair is one length and my loose curl pattern hangs down making me look like I have a rat tail or a mullet. So snip snip. I cut it myself. Now no long hair in the back no mo.











Side note





I am use to having long hair...processed long flowing hair...and this process is wearisome. Looking for that perfect hair care product that is going to have my hair breezy and curly at the same time....not as stiff as a scare crow.

I love me. I love my hair. I love that my husband keeps his mouth shut about it. I love this process...I'd just love more if I could beem my process up about 2 more years and have longer hair. How about that.